you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
