why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
