I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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