Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
