my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
