hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
