Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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