the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There r osticjed everywhere
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
