I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
