i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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