well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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