is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
