About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
