I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i out mim tonsoeep
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