My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
