All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
