Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
