i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
