I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
