i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
