my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
