apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
