we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
