I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
