i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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