Can i not drive my cunt home
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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