Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
