All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
