Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
