proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
