Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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