Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
