his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
