Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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