I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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