Sponge bath it is.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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