ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
