He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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