he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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