my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
