hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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