I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
