chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
