Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
