Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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