How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
