Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Boobs are out for the taking
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
