I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
