i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
