Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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