I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
