Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
