just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
