you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
